Marriage as Spiritual Failure

I work at a Christian university.

Which is another way of saying that I work at a marriage factory.

That's definitely the impression you get. Those of you who have attended conservative Christian universities will, I expect, remember the enormous social pressure to find a Christian spouse during your undergraduate studies.

You have four years. The clock starts now. Ready. Set. Go.

I'm not exaggerating. My students report that, from Day One on campus, they hear the refrain over and over: "You'll meet your future husband/wife here."

And many do. But this intense focus on marriage on Christian college campuses creates a really unhealthy atmosphere. Some students in the grip of "Ring by Spring" madness rush into bad relationships. But the main casualty is the student who graduates unmarried and feels like a failure, socially and spiritually.

And this problem persists into adulthood. Churches are downright evil to singles. They are treated as freaks. Spiritually incomplete and malformed. And generally marginalized, silenced and excluded by the family-centered focus of contemporary church life.

I just hate this. I hate it. It's one of the worst sins of contemporary Protestant Christianity (in America at least). So last week I went off on a bit of a rant in one of my classes.

"Hey," I started, "you know how ACU pushes you all to get married. How we can't stop talking about it?" Everyone nods and groans. "Well, I'm sure you're aware," I continued, "that the bible considers marriage to be a spiritual failure."

Peculiar looks all around.

"According to the bible, you get married if you can't meet the high calling of celibacy for the Kingdom of God. More, the Apostle Paul was right. A family, a mortgage, and a minivan does affect your ability to serve God, your ability be radically available to the winds of the Spirit. If you have a family you do struggle with divided loyalties. I know that for a fact."

"So here's the deal. We're all aware that the culture of ACU and the church is going to make you feel like a failure if you don't get married. That you'd be spiritually incomplete. But that's completely backwards, biblically speaking. It's those who get married who are the spiritual failures. Singleness is one of God's highest callings. You're the special ones, the spiritually elite, the best we have to offer."

That's what I said. Yes, it's over the top. But I felt it needed saying. If only as a corrective to message they get on campus and will get at church for the rest of their lives.