Yet more election stuff

It's a complete mess. And so am I. The situation back home has taken a turn for the worse again, as Mugabe is now demanding a recount (how can there be a recount when the original results haven't even been released?) and his so-called 'War Veterans' (the militia that invaded the white-owned farms from 2000 on) have marched through the streets of Harare in an attempt to intimidate the opposition. Mugabe has also arrested foreign journalists and placed a police guard at the doors to the High Court, stopping the MDC from getting in to get a court order for the release of the results. Worst of all, Mugabe has placed factions of 'War Vets' across the country, and they are waiting for a green light to attack opposition supporters and white farmers. Morgan Tsvangirai says Mugabe is 'preparing for war', and it certainly looks that way. Whenever I see Mugabe on television I start shaking, I'm so angry. Although that's not new, I've been doing that for years.

We were all so hopeful that it might be resolved peacefully.

I had a dream on Saturday night that we moved back to Zimbabwe. I remember thinking in the dream that there couldn't be a worse time to move back, but whatever, we went. I got to show my husband the place where I grew up for the first time ... I took him to Mukuvudzi Woodlands, a game park in Harare, and he got to see giraffes and elephants in the flesh for the first time (in the dream. In real life, he has been to zoos and so wouldn't be quite as excited). We moved back into the house my stepdad's father built, and it hadn't changed at all - all the furniture and knickknacks were there. The beds were made, the floors were swept, it was like nothing had changed. My cat, Archie, who we had to leave behind when we left, was sitting outside the house and ran to me when he heard my voice.

It was just awful, waking up. I'm very happy here, but leaving a country is like losing someone you love. I'm going a bit nuts this past couple of weeks, because of the election, and I think this stupid flu that I haven't shaken might be partly because of the Zimbabwe situation.