Companioning

In light of the grief facing our campus, Charles, my Dean and friend, forwarded the following to our faculty about the pastoral act of "companioning" versus "treating." The list comes from Alan D. Wolfelt's book The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner: Eleven Essential Principles.

Beyond the issue of grief, I think these "principles" have wide applicability across a range of human relationships. As I read these, a simple word comes to mind: friend.

Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the intellect.

Companioning is about curiosity; it is not about expertise.

Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.

Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading.

Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.

Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not about filling every painful moment with words.

Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.

Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about directing those struggles.

Companioning is about being present to another person's pain; it is not about taking away the pain.

Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.

Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.