LOML told me that I should think about myself as my own employee (in the business of Me, Inc), and pay myself before I pay anyone else. I find this a really helpful idea. It is a way of valuing yourself - of making your own welfare a priority before expending money (which represents an investment of your energy and time) on other people and other things.
I have been thinking about priorities lately, and I think the idea of paying yourself first applies to investing in your creative self as well. My writing time has been threatened lately - or, rather, I have let it become threatened - by errands, distractions and family demands. I find it easy to get caught up in all these things and put my writing, which should be the most important part of my day, at the bottom of the list. It is a form of disloyalty to my creative self.
This article on investment for beginners states that
"Once most people have given their word to someone, they are careful to keep their promise. They have no qualms, however, about lying to themselves. In order to be successful, you must honor your commitment. You cannot cut yourself any slack. As soon as you miss one "payment", odds are, you will miss another, then another, until you have stopped saving altogether. The secret to success in this game is not so much the amount of money you are investing, but the persistence with which you are doing it."This describes perfectly the pattern I get into with my writing. Here's how I am trying to tackle it:
Saying no
It is easier, if you are a big purple people-pleaser like me, to say 'yes' to other people's demands - particularly when you work from home, as it can be hard to convince people that you actually are working rather than watching daytime television in your pyjamas. If you give in to those demands, it may feel like you're being a good friend/daughter/sister/employee/martyr, but I think it may secretly be another building block of self-sabotage and writing resistance. Of course, there are times when you need to drop everything to help someone or perform some urgent action - of course there are. But these times should be the exception rather than the rule.
Making my writing time non-negotiable
I would never be too busy to feed Mink, or take a shower, or sleep. These are non-negotiable parts of my day. And writing is just as important, if not more important (although a hungry Mink and someone sitting next to a non-showered Andrea might disagree). It should have the same set-in-stone status.
Taking the phone off the hook
If no one can contact you, they can't make demands on your time. We live in an age where we nearly always have the luxury of getting hold of people RIGHT NOW, whether by email or phone. It is easy to get addicted to this immediacy. There is nothing wrong, however, with replying to 99% of emails, phone calls and text messages a few hours later. In fact, there are advantages to letting your thoughts percolate for a while before firing them back. If someone gets annoyed because they have to wait until your lunch break before speaking to you, well, they have unrealistic expectations.
No more justifications
When someone asks me for a favour and I don't have the time, energy or inclination to do it, I usually launch into a lengthy and convoluted list of excuses which inevitably sound like I'm making them up on the spot (and sometimes I am). I do this because I'm scared to say "I can't, I'm working." I'm not sure exactly what I'm afraid of here. Perhaps that the favour-asker will say, "What are you working on? But you work from home! Your time is flexible! Can't you do that later?" Which is ridiculous - no one I know would say that. They would be quite satisfied with a short, polite answer.
I am going to try to pay myself first from now on, no matter how selfish it may seem - and say "no" when it needs to be said. No more short-changing my inner writer and creating a debt that I'll just have to pay back later. (And yes, I think I have exhausted this particular set of metaphors).
Do you find yourself putting your creative self last? Why do you think this is?
